I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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