I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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