whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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