Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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