I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
