I am full of burrito and curiosity
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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