Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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