i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
