I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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