she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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