Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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