It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
