That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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