It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize