I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
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I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
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She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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