he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
