My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
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I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
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I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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