Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sorry about my life...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
