You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
