Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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