Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
