I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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