On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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