Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
