I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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