i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
