I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
