There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
