So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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