the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
