It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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