Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
