I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
