I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
