When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
