I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
