so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
