So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
