Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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