I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
