so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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