I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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