So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
