So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
