I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
