My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You pole danced in your parka.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
