I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
