and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
