When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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