i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
