Porn is love you can see.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
