I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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