she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
