i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You are the jesus of drinking
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
