I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
