my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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