dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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