My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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