There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Can I color on your dick again?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
