HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i think i have two assholes
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
