K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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