Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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