Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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