By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
