We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
